Heart-shaped Rocks

Just got back from backpacking in Desolation Wilderness. This is the first time I’ve ever taken the girls backpacking. I thought it would be a sufferfest. I thought they would be miserable. I thought it would be a lesson in tolerance and patience. Once again, my children have amazed me. Instead of “my pack is too heavy,” or “how much longer?” my daughters asked, “What mountain is that?” and “Look Mom! Heart-shaped rocks!” After two days of natural wonders, wide-eyes  of amazement, and new revelations about the outdoors, I learned that my daughters were finally ready to receive all that I could throw them. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed that I would not have enough material to fill their heads with wonder and wisdom.

I returned to training today and the things are heating up. KJN is turning it up on some of the kids and threatening cuts. I don’t envy his part. Certainly, there are kids who are not ready and shouldn’t go. It’s far better to make the hard choices now rather than allow them to be embarrassed on a public stage. It’s pretty tough to look into the eyes of some of these ten year-olds who have been training so hard and being on their best behavior. I’ve noticed KJN’s private schedule is nice and full. The kids are getting nervous and training harder. It’s fun to see everyone excited and aiming for greatness. It’s contagious. 

Off and Running

Oy, I'm exhausted. Great weekend in Pleasanton. Ran into friends visiting from Belgium and hung out with them. Stella's team played SUPER. They had one win 6-0 with Stella scoring one of the goals. In the other two games, we outplayed the opponents, dominating possession, but we were not fortunate enough to make our shots count. We lost 2-0 to Santa Cruz County Breakers and lost 2-1 to Castro Valley. The four goals against us were bizarre. While Stella's team possessed and passed the ball, the other teams got lucky with right place, right time opportunities. We did not capitalize. None of it matters as Stella and her teammates played hard and well and I am sure that 2-3 more months together will bring great results.
Now, I am changing gears, sifting through our camping stuff to get ready for our backpacking trip. I forgot that the girls still can't go heavy which means I will be carrying the bulk of the gear...:-( I tested the water purifier and the stove and both seem to be working fine. They will be carrying their sleeping bags and pads and whatever else they can tolerate. I will be carrying roughly 50lbs. I hope my joints hold up! ha! I am pretty tired. I hope a good night's sleep recharges me. Pretty excited to hike into the backcountry.

Soccer this weekend

It's Friday!! We are off to Pleasanton today for the Rage Tournament. It is the first tournament in awhile for Stella and her new team. I am excited for them. They are playing REALLY well at practice, moving the ball well, maintaining possession. Stella had two awesome shots on goal from outside the 18 today. Pretty excited for her. She is psyched for a good soccer weekend. I am already tired after a long week of training. I'm taking the next few days off. I ran 2 miles this morning well and did some stretching. Given how I am feeling, I think that's enough for my tired body. We have a lot coming up these next few days. First, the soccer tournament, which always involves being outdoors, taking shots on goal, and running around finding food, fields and bathrooms. Then, we have an impromptu backpacking trip Monday and Tuesday. My friend Andrea called and said she had 10 permits for Desolation Wilderness and no takers, so the rallying Robinsons are packing up the backpacks and hitting the trail. Marek is off to Chihuahua, Mexico to hob-nob with customers so it will be just the girls and I. I love self-support trips and living in a tent feeds my soul. We hike out early Wednesday then race down to Roseville for the WCMA Sunsplash day (that we already paid for <sigh>). Never a dull moment. Thursday, I will collapse.....

Climbing Wall

The Climbing wall is in and lots of fun. I am amazed at how hard it is and what a workout it is! Zoe is a little climbing phenom. Stella doesn't like it but does because her sister is such a rockstar. These two are substantially competitive.
I am feeling sooooo much better today! I am very excited that my energy is returning. Suddenly my appetite is less and I no longer feel like my body "needs something". That's a good thing. I am totally missing Kickboxing class. I miss KJN Jon yelling at me to do something harder/higher/faster/stronger. He is such an inspiring instructor. I've had to come up with my own inspiration this week. I realize that I would much rather rely on someone else. ha ha!
Collecting footage for the Tough Mudder Video. There is a lot of great stuff. This will take me awhile. Hopefully, I'll be done before Christmas....LOL.
Did a short workout today. Trying to conserve energy for the upcoming weeks but I don't want to let off too much. Diet going fine. Still focusing on trying to get as many vegetables on board as possible. Feeling pretty successful in that realm. Now that I'm feeling better, the sugar cravings seem to have subsided. Big weekend coming up for Stella. We will be busy.

Infection

I saw my Oncologist yesterday and told him about how I've been really fatigued and tired, coughing at night etc. He ordered bloodwork, Chest X-ray, and a urinalysis. Well, everything came back just fine, except the urinalysis. As it turns out, I have a raging, urinary tract infection! I had NO traditional symptoms. I'm thinking that it's because of the menopause. In the absence of estrogen, symptoms are different. He put me on antibiotics. I'm already feeling better. I was a little nervous that maybe my cancer had come back. I'm so relieved that not only it has not, but that there is a reason for my fatigue that is treatable. Looking forward to the return of my energy levels. Yay!
Went for my first bike ride in a long while. Rode up the grade in the heat. It was good to get a workout without pounding my joints. I think I will start riding more. Also did pull-ups and stretched. Did Palgae 7 a few times. Having trouble with the transition of a low front stance to a side-kick, then knife-hand middle/down. I keep losing my balance which bugs the crap out of me. I used to have stellar balance. Yet another thing I have to work on....

Rest

It was so great to sleep in this weekend. Sleep is hugely important to recovery. The body needs rest. I used to think "it's mind over matter," and it is a little bit, but there comes a point when metabolically and cellularly that the mind has no more influence. At that point, it's oxygen, water, nutrition, Kreb's cycle and a whole lot of other processes that take place to produce ATP and repair tissues. I have to allow those processes to take place without constantly asking my liver to kick out glycogen. There's "tired" and then there's "depleted." I can be depleted without being tired which is the most dangerous because I will continue to push myself while my cells and my metabolism go in to survival mode, meaning they shutdown and start storing fat. Workouts go flat and everything seems harder. Rest is good and an integral part of any training program. I don't know why I keep pushing and I don't give myself recovery time. It's hugely important.
Diet is going fine. Had some Justin's Chocolate Almond Butter yesterday which is a favorite indulgence. That and my morning coffee. Otherwise, I've been sticking to salads and protein best I can. Marek and the girls had ice cream but I think the dairy wreaks havoc on me so I declined. I keep a chocolate bar handy when I get a real hankering for something sweet. I only get a square though.
It's weird to have the studio closed this week. I did my 2 mile run this morning followed by power jumps, and my kicking routine of 25 kicks each of front kick, side kick, back kick, and roundhouse, with 5lb ankle weights. I got through Palgae 6 & 7 a couple times. We hung a set of rings in the garage and practiced our pull ups. I'm up to 3 sets of 8 (with a kip). I need to lose the kip though. This is a HUGE improvement over last year when I couldn't do one. My mastectomy side is still giving me some trouble strength-wise, but it's much better. The Push-ups are super difficult to do. Too much strain on my shoulder. I think the nerve damage from the surgery plays a big part in this. Everyday, it's a little stronger. It's always sore, so something must be getting stronger!
Stretched a long time today. Flexibility is average. The girls are helping by pushing my stretches. Hoping I can get close to the splits by September. Seems like there is soooo much to do in such a short time. Recovery is this week's goal though because when we get back, it's going to be intense.

TGIF. I'm wasted. Ran my 2 miles this morning. That seems to be all I can manage at the moment. I'm getting it done in 19 minutes so I'm pleased with that. Diet is going fine. No sugar is good. Eating lots of veggies and organic protein. Craving fruits a lot. I eat blueberries and apples. I'm hungry a lot but not restricting calories as I'm training pretty hard and need my immune system to keep working. I'm not losing weight but not gaining either. That's just fine. I'll cut weight later. The weather has been ultra-hot so I'm drinking a lot of water. I just went to GNC to look for a recovery product. Came home with some Glutamine, Fish-oil, B-complex, and pycnogenol which is supposed to help with recovery. As an older person, recovery is not as fast and supplementing seems to be a good thing. I have never been an advocate of supplements but then again, I was 20 or 30. 40 is a whole new animal. I'm hoping this stuff will help me train more without long recovery or the risk of overtraining. Overtraining is a beast and it gets me every time. I think it was Loren Cordaine who said, "You cannot out-train a bad diet." So true. If you do not feed your cells, your cells will rebel against you. My highest priority is immunity so keeping my cells healthy means eating a lot of healthy foods and drinking tons of water. The no sugar thing is not easy as it is in everything, but I have no problem passing up cakes, muffins, or candy. My nemeses are Peanut Butter and ice cream. However, I've chosen to give up dairy as well which makes ice cream a double whammy. At least I can have Peanut Butter in small doses and it does have some nutritional value. I haven't had alcohol since July of 2011. I gave up coffee but I have returned. I have eliminated the dairy and I can only have it once or twice a week. That way, its not a crutch and won't disguise early signs of overtraining. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend with the girls and Marek. This will be the first one since school got out that we don't have soccer, family obligations, holiday plans, vacation plans, dinner plans, or birthday parties. Yay Robinsons!

Goals

Exhausted. While today, I felt my desire to train return, my body remains wasted from Mudder. Hungry, thirsty and tired all the time, I am trying to balance recovery with black belt training. I'm trying not to overextend myself this week by laying off any activity that gets my heart rate up (besides my curriculum). I've done some pull-ups, some push-ups, some sit ups, lots of stretching but laid off the burpees, the running, and the kicking. Should I have done TM? Absolutely. It's a training exercise and comes at a perfect time before the black belt test. It has also forced me to rest after pushing through May and June's training schedule.
The countdown to black belt has begun and this week is the 11th week, meaning next week marks 10 weeks until black belt. Ironically, the Karate Studio is closed next week,  which means next week, I need to nail down MMA, Grappeling, Fighting System, Escrima and Palgaes 6 & 7. When we return to the studio, there will be only 9 weeks of training and I'm pretty sure the last week is not going to glean any technical advancements. At that point, it's going to be all tactical. So, with 8 weeks left, I have a few goals in mind. They are as follows:

• Leg strength~ Increase my leg strength to hold my stances lower in my forms, and increase kicking speed and technique. This means resistance training, plyos and speedwork. Also, my kicking workout on the bag. 25-50 of each kick, Front, Side, Back and Roundhouse. With 5lb ankle weights. I WILL break all three boards. 
• Flexibility~ I'm still trying to catch up to being a normal person post hip replacement. I DO NOT want to red folder. I want best tester WITHOUT a red folder. No special treatment so I really have to work my flexibility. Stella and Zoe are helping me push into my stretches. Stella stands on my legs in butterfly stretch. I get nice and flexible and then after 24 hours, it seems that my body goes back to being tight. It's like an old shoe. I just have to keep bending it back and forth until it loosens up.
• Precision~ All of my movements have to be exact and have purpose. 
• Stamina~ The black belt test is hours long. I have to be able to stay focused for long periods during the day, which is why I am doing two-a-day training sessions. Train the way you perform. Perform the way you train.
• Weight loss~ I hate this part. This will not be easy. Egg whites, lettuce and chicken breast for the next 8 weeks. Oy. I've held off on this because I have a short tolerance level. I've got fifteen pounds to lose and I can get there but I can only stand to be miserable for 2-3 months. Then, I start hitting the chocolate....timing is everything. 
• Rest. The potential for overtraining right now is huge. At 46, I need more rest in between workouts. As a mother of two girls who do martial arts and play competitive soccer, this is a challenge. This week, I grabbed two power naps while sitting at soccer practice. Yep. Get it wherever you can.

The first four weeks, will be volume-oriented. Lots of training, lots of physical fitness work and lots of studying. The second four weeks will be geared toward intensity and rest. Shorter bouts but with full energy, more weight and more "umph."Whatever I have by week 6 is what I have to make look good for my test. That's not a lot of time.
KJN Gary will be making "cuts" after we come back to the studio. Our class is big and we are getting bogged down by kids who are not ready. The hard part is that most of those kids are super close. If KJN Gary takes on bringing them up, that means less of KJN Gary to go around, and ultimately, the adults will be low on the totem pole.
One other thing I have to remember is this is MY black belt test. If there is anything my athletic past has taught me, it is to be master of my own destiny and coordinate the resources I have to be the unique athlete I wish to be. I am not KJN Gary's priority. I'm aware of that. He will train me, but his focus is not on a 46 year-old mother of two. My job is to find opportunities to make myself better. KJN Jon, Prof. Elliot Kelly, Eva T., Carrie Bergeron, and others are all available. I just need to ask the right questions.

Indomitable Spirit

This week's Life Skills lesson is all about the indomitable spirit. One of our mastery tasks is to write about how we use our indomitable spirit in everyday life. Hmmmmm, let me see here. Let's look at the possibilities. I have kids which means I can never quit. Ever. Quitting is admitting defeat. I must remain 110% committed to my children's health, safety, and pursuit of happiness every day until they can do it for themselves. I don't really have a choice as Marek travels for business so everything, here at home, is on me. From the moment they wake up, I make sure they eat breakfast, get clothes on, do activities that enrich their lives, answer billions of questions, many of which do not have a good answer. I pack the snack bag, fill the water bottles all while throwing in a load of laundry and finishing the dishes. It's a hefty job that requires 110% commitment and I will never quit. They are my kids and I want the best for them. I will keep driving as hard as I can to help them find their way in this life.
That's a pretty good example right? I have others. There's the Tough Mudder event which pretty much requires 110% commitment to be absolutely bonkers for a day. It takes a special kind of person, a.k.a. and indomitable diva such as myself to navigate 12 miles at 8,000 feet of altitude and do crazy stunts along the way. At some point, you're tired, thirsty, muddy, and your legs are cramping. You are freezing cold from all the water features and if it weren't for all the other crazy people out there, you would probably cry. Not me. I laid down on the ground and got warm and continued the whole course. It was a huge accomplishment and quitting was never an option. In fact, one of the slogans for TM is "No Quit in Here." Yep, pretty indomitable.
But there is still one more example of how I might call myself the indomitable diva. I had cancer and every week I would get my sorry body to class or belt testing despite the nausea, the GI issues, the bloody noses, the low white cell counts and the ginormous fatigue. I would not quit even when KJN Jonathan tried to kill me with push-ups. I did not quit ever and I was uplifted by my studio mates who carried me most of the way. Soon I will be showing the world what I have learned in class by getting my black belt. Many students take time off to fight cancer. Not me. I refused to quit and I am excited to see this to the end. Indomitable? Hell yeah.

Palgae Hell

Forms. Oy. This morning, I went to kickboxing but it was only Andee and I. I had overslept which is sort of good but I hate being late. I got there in time to have a 45 min session with KJN Jon. We worked on Basic Defenses and forms. I worked Palgae 6 and kept messing up. It was frustrating. I finally got through one solid, but it took so much mental focus. I came home and basically laid around the rest of the day. The girls and I watched a couple of movies, I got some writing done and some laundry. I went back for class which was a long session (of course!) of palgae hell. We worked Palgae 7 and again, it was extremely hard to hold my focus. I messed up twice. On top of that, my side kicks looked like crap (poor chamber and no recoil). My hips are so tight and I'm not sure how much to push this week. I still have that charlie horse in my right quad and I'm beginning to think I may have torn it. It's pesky. It works as long as I don't move a certain way. It's high in my hip flexor. I can stretch it and massage it, but it needs some ultrasound, some stim, some ice and some rest.
KJN Gary continues to push us. While I understand that this pushing is important, especially given the time frame, it is wearing on me. You can only beat a horse so hard before it stops running. I am thankful that he is not pushing the burpees this week. Then again, it's only Tuesday...
Food choices are still fine. Had Salmon last night with Quinoa salad. More electrolyte replacement, lots of calories. Looking forward to the end of the week. This will be our first weekend off all summer. No soccer tournaments, no tough mudder events, no barbecues or birthday parties. Looking forward to some pool time with the hubs and kids.

Tell me why...

I don't like Mondays. Post-Mudder Mondays are hard to face. Generally, it takes at least three days to recover and day 3 is usually the worst which is Tuesday. However, Monday sucks. I got nothin. Despite drinking water, stretching, eating my vegetables, I am worked. I just want to lay around all day. Instead, I got to fight with my 11 year-old who is still reeling from the loss of her Grandfather. Stella has chosen to make this Monday extremely difficult at a time when I am physically worked. It takes all I have mentally to keep calm and carry on. Today was a true test of my mental focus. Parenting, in and of itself is a sport. I could feel a greater sense of irritability and I wanted to jump straight to anger when Stella challenged me. It was all I could do to keep it together. On top of that, my body is craving sugar. Chocolate, to be specific. And I want a cup of coffee. Neither of these is good for me right now. I try to avoid both caffeine and sugar. I allow myself one cup of coffee per week on Sunday, without milk. This week, I didn't have it due to recovery, which is probably contributing to my state of mind. After chemo, I realize what chemicals can do to our bodies and our immunity. I have to take meds to keep my cancer at bay which is a chemical nightmare all its own. Despite my delayed onset muscle soreness, I choose not to take Ibuprofen primarily because if I can recover without it, I will recover stronger. However, the catch is that it will take longer to recover which affects future training. Nonetheless, I am not convinced a batch of vitamin I is going to save me, and while black belt is the goal, immunity takes priority.
Today, we worked on sticks again. Disarms specifically. I'm feeling relatively confident about sticks but would like another week to work on them. So much curriculum, so little time. KJN announced we were working on forms next. Of course, because my legs are toast and what better time to work on lower stances than day 3 of recovery. I would take the week easy but the following week, the studio is closed. I will take some time then and use it to focus on the DVD and Life Skills memorization. This week is a sufferfest. There's value in it. I just need to be careful not to get injured.

Sunday Mudder

Today, it was off to a tournament for Zoe. The Folsom Summer Challenge was this weekend. I made it back in time for yesterday's second game which they pulled out with a tie. This morning, they faced AR who is a solid team. They beat us 2-1 but our girls played well and given that they last time we played them, we lost 9-0, we chose to celebrate our improvement. However, second game, we could not put it together. It was hot and the girls had given it their all in the first game. We lost 1-0. Tough loss because technically, we should have beaten them. Our girls were tired and made a lot of mistakes that Folsom Storm capitalized on.
I was Assistant Coach. I gave it my all, but I did not have a lot in the tank either. I felt for the athletes out on the field. I wasn't sore in the usual sense. I was just gassed metabolically. All my cells are screaming for nutrients and my mitochondria are done. Oh how I wish I were 25....However, at 46, recovery just takes longer. I'm eating my protein and drinking my fluids. Sleep is restless at best which is a sure sign I am all jacked up. Now, I just have to wait until I bounce. I'm really hoping we don't do forms this week. My legs are tired and I anticipate that my kicks and stances will suck. Hoping for ground work.

After Mud...

Another Mudder down. This year was a lot more fun for me. I didn't quite flash the whole thing this year. Once again, the monkey bars got me. My grip strength is poor and my mastectomy side is still not strong enough. I'm sure if I had a few less pounds, it would be easier but I'm trying not to get sucked into that mindset. Nutrition and exercise should be a lifestyle. I don't believe in "diet." It's ironic that dieting is what got me in this mess in the first place. The body doesn't get what it needs, the metabolism shuts down and the body stores fat. So now, it's about giving my body what it needs, leaving out what it doesn't (sugar), and getting a balance of exercise that doesn't lead to overtraining.

This year's TM course started out with a bang. The ice bath was the third obstacle. This did not bode well for my aging tissues. That ice cold submersion makes my body not want to move, but I had 9 more miles to go. Last year, it was at the half way mark which made it a little easier to tolerate. This year, it was at the bottom of the hill climb. I hesitated before jumping in this time. I knew how awful cold it was going to be. Then Kwan Jang Nim Jon dove in. OMG, head first. While it was probably the smart play, I couldn't do my head first. I jumped in, went under the board, and climbed out. I turned around to see Seema and Andee jumping in. This was one rare occasion I was happy to have a little extra bodyfat.
The climb went well. I flashed the "Just the tip" obstacle this year, which set the stage for the rest of the day. The anticipation of the "electric eel" was a little intense. I hate getting shocked. In fact, the anticipation of many of the obstacles we'd done before contributed to the experience. It was, in fact, harder for that reason in a mind over matter sort of way. I was actually good with that. This year, I was determined to make it over the walls without assistance, at least the 8 footers. However, this year, all they had was 12 footers. My heart sunk a little. I didn't think I could make it over the 12 footers (without help). And that's exactly why I didn't get over the first wall. I took the boost after two failed attempts. However, my angst got the best of me and I ran faster at the second wall and made it over! I was sooooo excited. I was with Matt, Jay, Andee, Tony, and  Dave. I think Matt was excited as I was. I got a big cheer from the crowd too. That was kinda fun.
From there, the course went down.  I was cold and my legs were starting to cramp. There were more cold water obstacles ahead, 6 miles worth. I did not want to shiver the whole way. The sun was shining and it was supposedly at least 80 degrees, but I was freezing. I thought of how I like to lay on the concrete when I get out of the pool and I'm cold. We were waiting for one of our group and I was still way too cold. I laid down on the ground and it was sooooooo warm. Everyone thought I was nuts. I did not care. I was warm and happy. I laid there for a bit and then Andee made me get up. It was smart to keep moving.
The rest of the day, we hiked together, had a few laughs and jumped into more freezing cold water. We had a new obstacle this year, the cage crawl. It was a true test of my focus. I started to freak out. It was a ditch filled with water with a cage over it. You had to pull yourself in the direction of your head, on your back, submerged in the water, with your face 2 inches from the cage. The water was cold. I was doing fine until the person in front of me stopped. I could go no further. This is when I was about to panic. I had to really focus on my breathing. It was a bit unnerving, laying there in the water. then I saw Matt. He said "you're almost there!" and that made all the difference.
We finished strong. It was super fun to see everyone smiling and happy to be done. Our WCMA team has finished two very difficult events together and I feel a real bond with many of these people.
No beer for me. Still don't drink. Protein bars, electrolyte replacement and home for a slab of chicken, a salad, and a good night's sleep.
Black Belt training starts on Monday.

Tragedy

It's Friday before TM. I can hardly sit still. We put in a climbing wall this week and I just want to play on it but it zaps energy fast. I needed to lay low and conserve. They posted the TM map today. No rings. I'm so sad because we trained the rings all last month. Such is life. There are two new obstacles that look totally easy. One of which is another wall climb. I've been training walls all spring. I'm excited to flash those. In fact, I'm excited to flash the whole thing, monkey bars and all. Hoping I did enough pull-ups.

Tonight we got tragic news. Marek's Mom's husband, and grandfather to my kids was found dead in their swimming pool tonight. He was 68. The girls are devastated. I grappled with going to TM at all. Marek says go. girls say go, but is it selfish? I am as committed to my TM teammates as I am to my family but family comes first. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I guess I'll know at the halfway point. It's so surreal. Marek is with his Mom now (it's almost midnight) and I just got the kids to lay down. It's going to be a long night. I'm off the beach at o' dark thirty.

And as if the world is conspiring against my TM success, Lori just told me she is sick and can't go to the event. What a bummer. I was hoping to do it with her this year. I'm not sure if I can rally for next year. I need to get tougher with every birthday....However, if I do make it four more years, I can call myself Kwan ja mudder! Ha ha.

Stupid stuff

Thursday. KB day. Andee and I were the only ones who showed up, so KJN worked with us doing half kickboxing and half stick training. It was super helpful.

I'm tired. I have a massage this afternoon to work out the knots and hopefully help me get ready for this weekend. I'm using the roller, stretching and hydrating. I have so many plans for my training but this week, I'm just sitting on my hands. It's aggravating.

Ugh, so confused on sticks. On the video, KJN Dave steps back on strikes 1,3,5,6,9,10, and 12. I have been told you only step back on strikes 1, 3, & 5. Last time I stepped with the wrong foot, KJN busted me, telling me that he's told me before which means I'm either totally confused or I'm not learning it. Now, I feel the need for clarifying meticulous details which I guess, is what candidate training is all about: meticulous detail. The hard part is I have to "un-train" some habits. I'd almost rather learn it new. Worked with Rachel today. it was good to work with a different partner, but our chemistry is off. It's funny how you click with some people and not others. I think she's a very nice person, but we are mismatched intensity. Her technique is good, but for some reason, I struggle with her. Personality conflict? Not sure. Gotta make it work. 

Status Update

I got to work with KJN Jon today. There is just something about that guy that drives me to drive myself. His positive energy and willingness to give are infectious. I always walk away wanting to train more, be more, and achieve more. Some people you just click with. There is also a level of trust. If he told me to do something as stupid as Tough Mudder, I would do it. In fact, I am. This Saturday, Tough Mudder Tahoe 2013 kicks off at 8am and 20 of us lemmings will be in line to jump off and into stuff, crawl through mud, climb over walls and generally beat the tar out of ourselves. Afterward, we will have that anchoring moment of personal achievement. We did it. Together. Last year, I did this event with the same people and through the encouragement of KJN Jon. Given my personal struggle, I was pleased to have completed the event without being carried. This year, I am more fit and more prepared, excited to do better. It seems insane that I would go back but like I said, KJN Jon has this inspirational way about him. I have tried to match this inspiration, and be the same spirit that KJN Jon brings to our school. He is unphased. He simply brings more enthusiasm, more excitement, and more great ideas to our group. This makes all of us better students.

Today, we worked on sticks. I think it's going well. I am working on speed and flow and trying to maintain over time. I remember they make us go for two minutes straight at the black belt test. I have to work up to maintaining form and speed over time. Practice, practice, practice. I'm training at least twice a day now, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday. This week, I have laid off the fitness training. I'm trying to rest to prepare myself for Saturday. I am sleeping like a rock at night and it feels good to get lots of sleep. Temperatures get pretty hot during the day so most of my workouts have to be done early in the morning or in the late evening. After Tough Mudder, I will rest a day or two, then it will be back to full on fitness and curriculum.

Diet is going fairly well. I've managed to not eat too much sugar. I've been hitting the protein a little hard with organic chicken, eggs and fish and neglecting my vegetable intake. I eat a salad but I need something different than lettuce and tomatoes. I've been drinking spinach smoothies and laying off the cow's milk by eating plain goat milk yogurt with a little honey. It turns out to be lower sugar than the store bought flavored kind. Water intake is also down. I get at least two liters per day but in these temperatures, I need 3. The girls are so busy on top of our already busy schedule. I just need to prepare a little better. My weight is stable. No gain, no loss. I'm convinced that I am gaining muscle mass. After TM, I will have to start cutting weight by restricting calories. I'm a touch nervous about this given my cancer history. I want to keep my immunity strong and I am hoping that restricting calories won't affect that goal too much. I will ask my Oncologist in a couple of weeks.

So far so good. I feel that I know the curriculum well but certain fitness weaknesses affect my performance. For example, I'm working on quad strength to lower my stances for my forms and enhance my kicks. I'm working on flexibility to help with my kicks also. My hips are so tight from years of training, skiing, etc. I have limited mobility which affects my jumps, my kicks and my grappeling. I've been running for better stamina. The test is long and I will have to be working at peak performance for a full two days. After TM, I plan to switch to biking to get more stamina benefit and less overuse injury. The Life Skills thing is a bear. As hard as I try, I am struggling with memorizing so much. The logo paragraph is rough. I'm halfway there. All in all, I think things are going well. I'm managing my training and seeing results. However, September is not far away. My goal week to week is to make the most out of the time I have and not get into the trap of overtraining. That is a difficult tightrope to walk.

Busted

Today, I walked into the karate studio and KJN Gary looks at me with his most serious, "I'm-going-to-kick-your-ass" face and asks me, "I hear you're going to be missing my black belt training."
I looked at him like he had two heads. "Wha? No. I'm not missing anything." I am feeling like I just got busted by my dad for something big and I have no idea what that something is.
He asked, "you're not missing Thursday and Friday for something?" HA! It dawns on me that he's talking about Tough Mudder.... And he's messing with me. And it was working. Aaaargh.  I gotta get used to having a KJN in my face. Pretty hard to win a  stare down with  a 7th degree black belt. This is my biggest challenge. In class, he calls me out on my Life Skills memorization, points his finger at me like I'm totally busted and asks me to recite line 1 of the logo. Luckily, I know it but when he puts me under the gun, I choke. I HATE that. I need a strategy.
Class went well. We are studying sticks. Many of us have old habits that are difficult to break. We practice over and over and over. I make ONE mistake, and KJN is all over me. Really? I did five perfect disarms and the one I screw up is the one he hones in on. Moral of that story is don't make mistakes, ever, not in class anyway. As soon as you start to falter, he calls you out.  I feel like it's a game. He's doing his KJN best to find and push my buttons, and I'm doing my candidate best to not give him anything. I do a pretty good job sometimes but boy, when I screw up, he's ready to take advantage. So, it's more push ups, more pull ups, more stretching, more DVD watching and more practicing. I want it perfect. I will make it perfect.....as soon as I figure out what perfect looks like. LOL!
Feeling tired today. I've been putting in long hours. Yesterday, I did my 25 kicks with ankle weights (25 front kicks each leg, 25 side kicks each leg, 25 back kicks each leg & 25 roundhouse kicks each leg) along with my 200 wall kicks. I'm laying low today. Fish tacos for dinner tonight with a spinach smoothie. Sticking to my no sugar rule and "cheating" with a banana and peanut butter. My body wants sugar. I want chocolate. Expensive chocolate. The $7 chocolate Chuao Firecracker bar at Whole Foods.... I'm drinking water instead.

Brain Test

Big weekend. Tough Mudder training on Saturday. 3 sets of 7 pull-ups and 1 set of 8. 29 total. I am excited to see progress. Given that I am ten pounds heavy, I am excited to see this number go up as my weight goes down. Pull ups I can do. push-ups tweak my shoulder. I'm going to have to figure out how to get push up strong without push-ups. Gotta save this shoulder until game day. My Charlie horse is acting up. I'm icing, massaging, ice massaging, stretching etc, but I think my right leg is just hammered and Im going to have to baby that too. Saving it for Tough Mudder so Im laying off the front kicks and triangle leg chokes for awhile. They seem to aggravate it. Instead I'm all over the sit-ups and the pull ups. Still doing wall-kicks. This week, just enough for maintenance until Mudder. I can't believe it's less than a week away. I want to nail those walls and flash those monkey bars.
Training sticks this week. We didn't have much time today. Worked on Disarms 1-5 and double sinawali. Smacked Andee's hand twice. Feeling like a terrible partner.
Looking forward to a good week and grateful we aren't training physically demanding stuff this week. Eating lots of protein and drinking lots of water. It's hard to sit still.
Yesterday, I drove to the Bay Area to have an MRI. I have had some weirdo neuro episodes of tremor. One morning while Marek was gone, I got up to check on kids and about ten steps from bed, woke up on the floor with my legs shaking. Trip-py! Called the Onc and explained that I've also had a significant decrease in my vision. He scheduled the MRI. Now, we wait until a radiologist reads it. I guess I'm happy no one called today. Usually bad news travels fast. KB tomorrow morning. Tentative about going because I don't want to hurt myself this week. I'm pretty sure KJN Jon won't beat us up too badly.

Vacation is over

I am starting to get into this whole beach thing. Too bad we are on our way home. Yesterday, I did stairs sets. 8 sets of 60 stairs. At the top of each set, I did an upper body set. All total, I ended up with  2 sets 25 push-ups, 1 set of triangle push-ups, and 3 sets of bench crunches. Then, I went surfing. My arms are toast. I did catch a few waves which means I did about 10 pop-ups. I'm counting them as burpees! We had a fun day at the beach although it was entirely packed. I watched people drinking in the sun and thought, gack, how did I used to do that?
This morning, I ran on the beach for 30 minutes. I am feeling my legs today. The stair sets were a little killer. I'm feeling good though. I'm feeling strong. I managed to do 3 sets of 15 pull ups and I'm so excited because last year at Tough Mudder, I couldn't do one! What a difference a year makes! Nothing but fish tacos and blueberries since I've been here. Grandpa keeps buying the girls ice cream, but I have opted out. My bathing suit doesn't fit quite the way I'd like it to. Now that I am in menopause, my body is different. I can't take weight off quite as easily and I carry it differently. Still trying to figure out how to deal with this molasses-esque metabolism. 10 hours in a car on I-5 will not contribute to my fitness and weight loss goals. Ha ha! Tomorrow is TM training. That should be interesting....

Back to work

Back to training. This morning, I ran 40 minutes in the sand. I am still feeling my right quad a little bit. I'm trying to be careful not to reinjure it. More ice massage, rest and stretching in between workouts. We are staying with family who have a condo right on the beach, sort of. The condo is two blocks back on top of a bluff. There are 5 flights of stairs down to the beach, 60 stairs total. Tough Mudder is coming up in two weeks so I'm trying to make some last minute strength and conditioning gains. I did a couple of stair sets after my run but had nothing left. I did 3 sets of 15 pull-ups on the back side of the stairs, did my burpees, sit-ups, push-ups etc. Then spent the rest of the day surfing. I'm pretty sure surfing pop-ups count as burpees. I also got a few good trashings in the waves which I can count toward flexibility. It was fun pushing the girls into waves and playing in the water. We spend all day at the beach. Afterwards I rolled, stretched and then iced my right thigh. It seems like it's getting better as long as I don't do anything stupid. Fingers crossed.

All Clear I

Ortho appointment went GREAT today. Turns out, I was right. I have little to no left medial meniscus left in my knee thereby achieving  what most people don't achieve until they are in their 60's. I am proud to say that I am wearing my body out appropriately and should probably put my Orthopedist on retainer. He did say my hip looked good and so did the other one which was a distant concern. The knee is shot but he pumped me up with cortisone, so I'm hoping that will last about 3 months. At least now, I can push that flexibility and know that I'm not going to rip anything.
From there, I headed back south to Leucadia and chilled on the beach the rest of the afternoon. Having not slept for the past two days, I didn't think training hard would be prudent. I do not see strength gains when my mitochondria are wiped out. Ironically, a 46 year old body needs sleep and rest to perform well. A little caffeine and vitamin I go a long way but I'm saving those for game day. For now, sleep is good. Despite feeling a little lazy, I know my body will not perform given the last three days of driving and tending to others. A few fish tacos from the vendor down the street will get me ready to train tomorrow. I love fish tacos. I will eat them the entire time I am here. My right quad is still telling me it's not right. I brought my ice massager  and did that twice today. I also brought my roller and did that as well. No ankle weights until I get this quad back up and running. I hope it doesn't plague me. It's been a real trooper. After all, I shattered that femur and that very same muscle set contracted into a little tiny ball that took three Orthodpedic surgeons 4 hours to unwind. Given the constant contraction I demand from it, I have to say it's been pretty fair. Strengthening will only help but I gotta remember not to go to far too soon.

Friendship

On my road to black belt, I find that I can get fairly intensely focused on ME. My diet, my stretching routine, my kicking program, curriculum, watching the DVD, studying my Life Skills stuff.....There's enough to keep me focused on myself for hours. This morning I got in the car at 5am and headed for St John's Hospital in Santa Monica. My very best friend from High School, Maid of Honor, and adopted sister had her hip replaced. We Park City Ski Racer girls are hard on our joints.....Anyway, it was one of those things where you have to drop everything and let your BFF know that you are there. Of course, she did fabulous. In and out of surgery in two hours, walking by 4pm and insisting she doesn't need any pain medication. She's tolerating very well, and kinda reminds me of myself. We spent the day watching free movies, talking about boys, and drinking water. It has been a great day of filling my emotional tank. Since I've had this procedure and about 14 years of nursing experience, I turned out to be helpful. It feels good to give back and to be given an opportunity to make a difference. My friend was there the moment I was diagnosed with Cancer and stayed close throughout my ordeal. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to be there for her given the uncertainty of my own personal outcome just one year ago. I remain grateful. As I get closer to testing for my black belt, I would like gratitude to replace selfishness whenever possible. Tonight, I will spend the night in the hospital just to make sure she gets through the night okay. Tomorrow, I will see MY hip surgeon and get some info on how my hip is doing (and my left knee). With all the kicking we do and pushing my flexibility, I want to hear from him that I'm good to go for September. I'm pretty sure that I am, but it's nice to hear it from a professional.